Form: OOO-8 · Automatic reply
From: Keith, fourth floor (for the Department of Made-Up Conditions)
Sent to: Everyone, unfortunately

Funny out-of-office message generator

A funny out-of-office is an auto-reply that still says when you're back and who to contact, with a joke in it. This one blames a condition that doesn't exist. Pick a tone, a return day and who covers for you, and copy the result. There are eight tones: Grovelling, Regretful, Terse, Stoic, Still online, Bureaucratic, Absent, Ominous. It runs in your browser; nothing you type is sent anywhere.

Automatic reply · ENABLED

I am currently out of the office with Dorsal Positional Pallor. I will return when it permits. The symptoms are an aversion to bright screens, a rash shaped like a Gantt chart and a pulse that quickens near the office. I have accepted them. It has indicated a return on Tuesday. For anything urgent, contact Priya, who has agreed to this in principle.

For entertainment. Real illness deserves real leave.

Questions

What is a funny out-of-office message?

An auto-reply that still does its job (when you're back and who to contact) but with a joke in it. Here, the joke is a made-up condition with made-up symptoms, in one of eight tones from Grovelling to Ominous.

Is it OK to use a funny out-of-office at work?

With people who know you, usually. An auto-reply also goes to customers and strangers, so keep the return date and the contact name accurate, and use a plain one if your workplace is formal.

Is this a real sick note?

No. Every condition is invented and obviously so. If you're actually ill, say so plainly and take proper leave.

The honest tip

A good auto-reply answers two questions: when are you back, and who can help before then. Get those right and the rest can be as daft as you like. Mine has said "Out of toner" since 2014. Nobody has ever replied.