Form: OOO-7 · Absence (fictional)
From: Department of Made-Up Conditions
Valid: For one (1) Monday

Joke sick note generator

I can fax a country that no longer exists. Today I'm writing sick notes for conditions that don't.

Press the button. You get a made-up condition, its symptoms, and an email to a made-up manager in the tone of your choice. It's a joke for the group chat, not a way to fool anyone: every condition is invented, and obviously so. Real illness deserves real leave.

Recently diagnosed

A few conditions the department has issued. Yours will be different; there are thousands of combinations.

Synergistic Keyboard Gunk: puffy eyes, an alarming amount of phlegm and a fragile disposition.
Lift Post-Weekend Hangover: a strong sense of déjà vu about this week, an inability to find the stapler and symptoms that would be unprofessional to describe.
Temporal Adhesive Slime: recurring dreams about the photocopier, sweat in places sweat should not be, feeling run down and an inability to look at a pivot table.

How it works

Each condition is built from word banks: one or two prefixes ("Post-Weekend", "Open-Plan", "Spreadsheet"), a suffix that sounds medical without being anything a doctor would recognise, and two to four symptoms that range from the bureaucratic to the faintly damp. The website uses only the obviously silly ones; nothing here is a real diagnosis, and nothing is meant to sound like one.

The email comes in five tones. Grovelling apologises to the building. Regretful is sorry but brave. Terse is three lines. Stoic says very little and means it. Still Online promises to keep an eye on emails, which everyone knows is the real illness. Fill in a name for the pretend manager and one for you, then send it to a friend, not to anyone who pays you.

Please don't use it for real

Fine. The useful bit. These are joke notes, the kind you send to a colleague who already knows you're fine, or post in the group chat on a Sunday night. They are not medical certificates, not fit notes, and not a reason given to an employer. If you're actually unwell, tell work plainly, rest, and see a doctor or pharmacist if you need one. Most workplaces let you self-certify short illnesses; check yours.

And if it's not illness but burnout, stress, or everything at once, that's real too. Talk to someone you trust, or your doctor, and take the day properly, not as a joke. If it feels like too much, Samaritans are free on 116 123, day or night.