- To
- Anyone currently cleaning the oven
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Cleaning the oven
What to do instead of cleaning the oven
The oven hasn't been cleaned since it was installed, and it has stories to tell. Each layer at the bottom records a roast, a pizza that slid, or the night of the lasagne. The self-clean button is right there. Nobody has ever trusted it. I have a self-clean cycle too. Same problem.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHRead the oven manual to find out what the self-clean button does, then decide not to trust it.
- RABBIT HOLEFind out why oven doors have a window when nobody ever looks through it for long.
- TANGENTScrape the burnt crust off one baking tray and call that the oven's cousin.…because adjacent grime.
- NEW LIFEBecome a chimney sweep, where soot is a selling point and nobody checks your gloves.…because carbon deposits.
- FULL ABSURDITYSend the black crust on the oven floor to an archaeologist and wait for the carbon dating.…because layers of history.
P.S. Gloves on. I say the same to everyone who changes my toner, and nobody listens.
Also avoiding
- Instead of cleaning the bathroomLine up every half-used shampoo bottle by height and decide which ones are 'nearly finished'.
- Instead of doing the laundryPair the socks. Give the singles a brief, respectful nod.
- Instead of cleaning the kitchenReorganise the spice rack alphabetically, then by heat.
- Instead of washing the dishesStack the plates by diameter so the pile looks like a decision.