- To
- Anyone currently washing the dishes
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Washing the dishes
What to do instead of washing the dishes
The dishes have been left to soak. That was Tuesday. 'Leaving it to soak' is a technique, not a lifestyle. I have a duplex unit that turns every page over without being asked. Nobody has made one for pans.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHStack the plates by diameter so the pile looks like a decision.
- RABBIT HOLELook up why washing-up liquid is always lemon-scented, and what lemons make of it.
- TANGENTRewatch the one cooking show where everything is spotless.…because somebody else rinses.
- NEW LIFEBecome a rock pool warden who only cares about things that cling to surfaces.…because stuck-on lasagne.
- FULL ABSURDITYTeach the tea towel to wave and send it as your ambassador.…because drying is diplomacy.
P.S. There is always one more teaspoon. It's under the water. It has always been under the water.
Also avoiding
- Instead of cleaning the ovenRead the oven manual to find out what the self-clean button does, then decide not to trust it.
- Instead of vacuuming the houseEmpty the vacuum's dust bin, then inspect the contents like a detective with no leads.
- Instead of moving houseLabel one box 'miscellaneous' and spend the evening deciding what qualifies.
- Instead of doing the Christmas shoppingBuild a gift list with columns for budget, recipient and regret. Leave every cell empty.