- To
- Anyone currently moving house
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Moving house
What to do instead of moving house
Moving house is one of the most stressful things a person can do, according to a list that also includes changing jobs. You own more mugs than you've ever been given. I've moved once, from the third floor to the fourth. It took four people, a trolley and a risk assessment that I had to print myself.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHLabel one box 'miscellaneous' and spend the evening deciding what qualifies.
- RABBIT HOLEFind out why the doorstep gets carried over and why 'threshold' was once a word for threshing.
- TANGENTRearrange the furniture you already own into a worse layout.…because relocation, but shorter.
- NEW LIFETrain as a piano remover and stand at the bottom of the stairs, sighing professionally.…because heavy lifting.
- FULL ABSURDITYMail yourself a single brick and wait for it to arrive at the new address.…because forwarding.
P.S. One box will be labelled 'miscellaneous'. It will never be opened again. I've seen the stationery cupboard.
Also avoiding
- Instead of cleaning the ovenRead the oven manual to find out what the self-clean button does, then decide not to trust it.
- Instead of vacuuming the houseEmpty the vacuum's dust bin, then inspect the contents like a detective with no leads.
- Instead of doing the Christmas shoppingBuild a gift list with columns for budget, recipient and regret. Leave every cell empty.
- Instead of cleaning the bathroomLine up every half-used shampoo bottle by height and decide which ones are 'nearly finished'.