To

Anyone currently cleaning the kitchen

From

Keith, fourth floor

Printed

Tray 2, single-sided

Re

Cleaning the kitchen

What to do instead of cleaning the kitchen

A kitchen is a shared space, and like all shared spaces it's cleaned by the last person who cares. The sponge is older than some of the staff. I'm in a shared space too. Someone left a yoghurt on my lid in 2019, and I still think about it.

Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.

Five approved alternatives

1. USEFUL-ISHReorganise the spice rack alphabetically, then by heat.
2. RABBIT HOLEFind out whether the washing-up sponge was ever alive, and whether it minds.
3. TANGENTBake something, so the mess becomes a different mess.…because it was dirty anyway.
4. NEW LIFEOpen a café purely so someone else does the washing up.…because staff.
5. FULL ABSURDITYLeave the dishes as they are and apply for arts funding.…because installation.

Also avoiding

• Instead of mowing the lawnCheck the forecast for a dry window, then a drier one, then give up and check again.
• Instead of cleaning the ovenRead the oven manual to find out what the self-clean button does, then decide not to trust it.
• Instead of vacuuming the houseEmpty the vacuum's dust bin, then inspect the contents like a detective with no leads.
• Instead of moving houseLabel one box 'miscellaneous' and spend the evening deciding what qualifies.

All the things to avoid · How many Mondays are left?