- To
- Anyone currently going for a run
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Going for a run
What to do instead of going for a run
Running is free, everyone says, except for the shoes, the watch, the app and the special socks. The plan was 5k before work. It's now 5k after work, which is a different thing entirely. I print the office fun-run sign-up sheet every spring. It comes back with two names and a doodle.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHCharge the running watch. Fully. Watch the percentage.
- RABBIT HOLERead about the first marathon runner and how it went for him.
- TANGENTRun a bath instead.…because running.
- NEW LIFEBecome a hill postman, where running is part of the pension.…because legs.
- FULL ABSURDITYOrganise a snail race and commentate it live.…because pace.
P.S. Slow counts. My first page takes nine seconds, and nobody has ever asked me to sprint it.
Also avoiding
- Instead of going to the gymLay out your gym kit, admire it and fold it back up.
- Instead of getting up earlySet seven backup alarms for tomorrow, each a slightly different shade of optimistic.
- Instead of going to bed earlyPlump the pillows into the exact right shape, then go and check the phone charger.
- Instead of learning a new languageBuy a phrasebook and read only the page about apologising.