- To
- Anyone currently getting up early
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Getting up early
What to do instead of getting up early
Successful people get up at 5am, according to successful people. Builders have been up since 5, and none of them has written a book about it. I'm on at 6:58 every morning. Someone always wants a boarding pass at 6:59.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHSet seven backup alarms for tomorrow, each a slightly different shade of optimistic.
- RABBIT HOLEFind out why the snooze button gives you nine minutes and not ten.
- TANGENTStay up late to watch the sunset properly, just in case.…because dawn can wait.
- NEW LIFEBecome a night-shift bakery cat-sitter, where dawn is the end of your day.…because sunrise is clocking off.
- FULL ABSURDITYHand the rooster a formal written complaint and ask for a quieter alternative.…because early bird.
P.S. Nobody needs to get up at 5am for a spreadsheet. If you're going to be up early, make it for something you like.
Also avoiding
- Instead of going for a runCharge the running watch. Fully. Watch the percentage.
- Instead of going to bed earlyPlump the pillows into the exact right shape, then go and check the phone charger.
- Instead of learning a new languageBuy a phrasebook and read only the page about apologising.
- Instead of reading a bookFind a bookmark worthy of the book, then audition three receipts for the part.