- To
- Anyone currently reading a book
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Reading a book
What to do instead of reading a book
Your bedside table holds a stack of books you're reading, which means books you've started. The bookmark in the top one has been on page 61 since the summer. I printed a whole novel once: somebody's manuscript, 380 pages, double-spaced. Nobody has read it since. I read it on the way through.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHFind a bookmark worthy of the book, then audition three receipts for the part.
- RABBIT HOLELook up the longest overdue library book on record and the fine it racked up.
- TANGENTAlphabetise the shelf by how guilty each spine makes you feel.…because unread stock.
- NEW LIFEBecome a night-shift lift attendant in a hotel, where everyone is between chapters.…because skipping to the end.
- FULL ABSURDITYHold a tiny auction for the dust jacket and bid against the cat.…because judging by the cover.
P.S. Ten pages a night is about 3,650 pages a year. I could do it in forty minutes. You'll enjoy it more.
Also avoiding
- Instead of learning a new languageBuy a phrasebook and read only the page about apologising.
- Instead of starting a dietRead every label in the cupboard and rank the biscuits by how much they have to answer for.
- Instead of trying to stop procrastinatingDraft a procrastination-busting schedule and spend the morning formatting its headings.
- Instead of making a to-do listSharpen three pencils to a uniform point, then hunt for a notebook worthy of them.