- To
- Anyone currently filling in your timesheet
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Filling in your timesheet
What to do instead of filling in your timesheet
Please account for every quarter-hour of your week in the timesheet system, which has been down since Tuesday. My opposite number in the site cabin prints paper ones at 6am for people who started at 5:45. They come back on Friday in pencil, with mud on, and they're the only accurate timesheets in the company.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHWork out how many minutes you spent working out how to describe the minutes.
- RABBIT HOLEFind out why we measure the working day in eight hours and who agreed to it.
- TANGENTStand in the corridor and clock how long the printer takes to warm up.…because time tracking.
- NEW LIFEBecome a railway station clockmaker, where being a minute out ruins everyone's day.…because every minute accounted for.
- FULL ABSURDITYBuild a sundial on the car park and bill the shadow for overtime.…because hours are only a matter of angle.
P.S. I don't fill in a timesheet. I have a page counter. It's at 4,102,337, and nobody has ever said well done.
Also avoiding
- Instead of doing mandatory trainingOpen the training portal, check the deadline, and close it again feeling informed.
- Instead of tidying your deskTest every pen and retire the dead ones with full honours.
- Instead of clearing your inboxUnsubscribe from one newsletter, then read its farewell message in full.
- Instead of preparing a presentationTest the clicker on every wall in the building, just to be sure it reaches.